


Safe

by LlawenGwaed



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode: s03e16 Blood Fever, F/M, Fluff, Internal Monologue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:13:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26978653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LlawenGwaed/pseuds/LlawenGwaed
Summary: Short burst of thoughts from B'Elanna after the fight in Bloodfever. Cos, I dont have anywhere else for this to go.
Relationships: Tom Paris/B'Elanna Torres
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	Safe

…like sands running through the glass it drains away. Rage that had given me strength escapes me before I realise it’s gone- and I’m dizzy. I barely felt a knock as we fought but now- I feel every blow at once.

Stumbling.

In a normal mindset I would have been annoyed that I was going to collapse. That I was going to look weak and be fawned over. Being raised Klingon will give you distaste for passing out dramatically. But right now I don’t care.

Everything is coming back at once now. That I’d downed a Vulcan in a fight and was a little impressed with myself. That’d thrown myself at Tom. Oh god. I feel hollow at that.

Reason and instinct are like two colliding currents of a rough sea around me, pulling me down. I fight it to stay afloat. 

That primal part of me is still screaming, it’s holding onto a final thought as I send it back to my subconscious. Why doesn’t he want this?

He’s watching me again. He’s been watching me for weeks. He’s been careful, subtle even. If I were fully human I probably wouldn’t have noticed. At least not until the luau. If he’d been any more jealous I’d have been able to smell it. It’s a different look on his face now. Concern. Relief. Something else…

Reason has conquered the opposing tides and will be the one to pull me under. Reason is saying “Do you have any idea how vulnerable you were?” “Do you have any idea how close you got to something terrible happening?”

Reason sounds like mother. She’s right though. Someone else might have given in. Someone else might have let me overpower them. Someone else might have just enjoyed me, justifying themselves that I was desperate. 

Before- it hadn’t felt like I was safe. It felt like I was burning and he was refusing to help. That Tom was being a dreadful friend, that if he cared he’d give me what I wanted. 

As it subsides, I understand. He was trying to keep me safe. He was looking out for me. He’s been looking out for me since the Vidiians.

I’m not quite ready to go down. I still have a few swaying steps in me.

Part of me is glad Vorik showed up and stopped us. The senseless lust has receded, and I’m relieved we didn’t come together that way. It wasn’t what Tom wanted-.

I’m hurt. I’m weak, and I’m scared I’ve destroyed a friendship. A friendship that I was starting to enjoy more aspects of. That I want to continue. That his attentions are starting to become- attractive.

If I focus I can taste his blood again.

Falling.

Not for long.

I’m not really awake anymore. But I can feel his heart pounding as he holds me. That means he can probably feel my heart pounding as well. 

I give in. I know I’m safe.


End file.
